To praise someone insincerely to please them or get something; OR to feel pleased and honoured; OR to make someone look more attractive; OR to believe something good about yourself that isn’t really true
Your colleague keeps telling the boss how brilliant her ideas are, how amazing her presentation was, how she’s the best manager he’s ever worked with. You watch him flatter her with a big smile, knowing he’s just trying to get on her good side before asking for time off next week. It’s not honest praise—it’s a strategy. And the funny thing is, she seems to be falling for it completely.
This meaning is about saying nice things you don’t really mean to get something or please someone. Imagine a salesman who keeps flattering a customer, telling her she has excellent taste and looks ten years younger in that coat, just to make the sale. This is flattering someone. You might flatter your boss before asking for a raise, or someone could flatter a friend to borrow their car. Or picture a politician who flatters voters with empty promises just to win their support. The word suggests fake charm with a hidden purpose.
Vivid example: Tom spent the whole dinner flattering his girlfriend’s parents, praising their home, their cooking, even their garden—all because he was terrified they wouldn’t like him. His girlfriend just rolled her eyes, knowing exactly what he was doing.
This meaning is about feeling good because someone has shown you respect or admiration. Imagine being asked to give a speech at your best friend’s wedding and feeling genuinely flattered that they chose you over everyone else—it makes you feel special and valued. This is being flattered. You might feel flattered when someone remembers your birthday, or a writer could be flattered when a stranger says they love her book. Or picture feeling flattered that a company headhunted you for a job. The word suggests warm pride from being noticed.
Vivid example: When the famous chef asked to use her grandmother’s recipe in his new cookbook, Maria was incredibly flattered—she never imagined that a simple family dish would catch the attention of someone so well-known in the food world.
This meaning is about clothes, photos, or styles that make someone look their best. Imagine trying on a dress that flatters your figure perfectly—it hugs the right places and hides the bits you’re not so confident about. This is something flattering you. You might choose a hairstyle that flatters your face shape, or a photographer could use lighting that flatters everyone in the shot. Or picture avoiding a colour because it doesn’t flatter your skin tone at all. The word suggests making someone appear better than usual.
Vivid example: Lisa tried on twenty dresses before finding the one that truly flattered her—a deep blue that made her eyes pop and her waist look smaller. She bought it immediately, knowing it was perfect for her sister’s wedding.
This meaning is about thinking you’re better at something than you really are. Imagine a terrible singer who flatters himself that he could win a talent show, completely unaware that everyone cringes when he performs. This is flattering yourself. You might hear someone say “don’t flatter yourself” when you assume someone fancies you, or a bad cook could flatter herself that her food is restaurant quality. Or picture a lazy student who flatters himself that he’ll pass without studying. The phrase suggests self-deception and false confidence.
Vivid example: When James assumed the pretty girl at the bar was looking at him, his friend laughed and said “Don’t flatter yourself, mate—she’s looking at the football match on the TV right behind your head.”
Examples from the street:
“Stop trying to flatter me — I know you want something!” → Stop trying to praise me insincerely — I know you’re after something!
“I’m flattered that you asked me, but I can’t accept.” → I’m honoured/pleased that you thought of me, but I have to decline
“That dress really flatters you — you look amazing.” → That outfit really suits you and makes you look great — you look stunning
Flatter as praise insincerely — VERY COMMON:
– flatter someone → praise someone insincerely, often to get something
– try to flatter someone → attempt to win favour through insincere praise
– flatter someone into [verb-ing] → use praise to persuade someone to do something
– don’t flatter yourself → don’t think too highly of yourself (critical)
– flatter yourself that… → have an exaggerated belief about yourself
Flattered as feel pleased/honoured — VERY COMMON:
– be/feel flattered → feel pleased by attention or praise
– I’m flattered (but…) → I’m honoured (often before declining)
– flattered that… → pleased that someone did/said something
– flattered by [something] → pleased by praise, attention, or an offer
Flatter as make look attractive:
– [clothing] flatters someone → makes someone look good
– flattering [dress/colour/angle] → making someone appear more attractive
– not a flattering [photo/image] → doesn’t make someone look their best
Example Sentences
1. He’s always trying to flatter the boss to get ahead at work → He’s constantly attempting to win over the manager with insincere praise to advance his career.
2. You can’t flatter me into doing your homework for you → You can’t charm me with compliments to get me to complete your assignments.
3. Don’t flatter yourself — she wasn’t looking at you → Don’t think so highly of yourself — she wasn’t staring in your direction.
4. He flatters himself that he’s the smartest person in the room → He has an exaggerated belief that he’s the cleverest one present.
5. I’m flattered that you thought of me for the job, but I’m not interested → I’m honoured that you considered me for the position, but it’s not for me.
6. She was clearly flattered by all the attention she was getting → She was obviously pleased by all the focus she was receiving.
7. I’m genuinely flattered that you want my advice → I’m truly honoured that you’re seeking my opinion.
8. That colour really flatters your skin tone — you should wear it more often → That shade really suits your complexion — you should put it on more frequently.
9. That’s not a very flattering photo of me — can we take another one? → That picture doesn’t make me look my best — can we shoot another?
10. The lighting in here is very flattering — everyone looks ten years younger → The illumination in this place makes everyone appear more attractive — we all look a decade younger.
Learner Examples
1. When students flatter teachers before asking for an extension, it’s usually pretty obvious what they’re doing → When learners shower instructors with praise before requesting extra time, it’s generally quite clear what their motive is.
2. I’m flattered when native speakers say my English is good, but I know I still have a lot to learn → I feel honoured when people who grew up speaking the language compliment my skills, but I’m aware I’ve still got a long way to go.
✔ Native usage tips
– “Flatter” often implies insincerity — when someone is “flattering” you, they may have an ulterior motive. Genuine praise is usually described as “complimenting” rather than “flattering”
– “I’m flattered” is a polite response — this is a gracious way to respond to compliments, offers, or attention. It’s especially useful when you want to decline something politely: “I’m flattered, but…”
– “Don’t flatter yourself” is quite harsh — this expression tells someone they’re being arrogant or delusional. Use it carefully — it can be offensive
– “Flattering” for clothes/photos is common — saying something is “flattering” means it makes you look good. “Not flattering” is a polite way to say something makes you look bad
– “Flatter to deceive” is British — this idiom is commonly used in sports commentary when a team looks good initially but fails later. Americans may not recognise it
– The noun is “flattery” — “Flattery will get you nowhere” is a common expression meaning insincere praise won’t work on me
✔ Similar expressions / words
– Compliment → more neutral and sincere than “flatter”: “She complimented my work” suggests genuine praise; “She flattered me” might suggest ulterior motives
– Praise → more formal and sincere; focuses on recognising achievement: “praise someone’s efforts” is genuine; “flatter someone” may be manipulative
– Butter up → informal and always implies trying to get something: “butter up the boss” is clearly manipulative; more casual than “flatter”